This Halloween "I'm Hooked" on make-up!

 "Since you are so into Halloween"...

This is a phrase most commonly said to me when it comes to my yearly Halloween costumes.  I usually respond with a bright smile and really not a whole lot else, because frankly, I just don't know what to say!  

This year though, I actually took the time to think about it.

  

Am I *really* that into Halloween?  Why DO I dress up?

Do I do it for attention?

I've dressed up in costume on Halloween almost every year of my life.

Some costumes of mine are great, some are just "OK", but all share a similar theme; they are creative.  I admit, I'm not a very original person, I tend to pull ideas from things I've seen before.  But I take those simple ideas, and turn them into something more.  Like the time I dressed up as a simple Fairy.  Instead of just the wings and the dress, I decided to cover myself from head to toe in glitter.  LOTS of glitter.  Enough glitter to make Edward Cullin in the sunlight look like child's play.  I had SO much glitter on that night, I probably sparkled in the dark! Or there was the time I dressed as a simple scarecrow, I decided to wire a 20" tall crow to the top of my head! One of my costumes even had a real working, 13 loop, heavy rope, hangman's noose that I had made incorporated into it!  Not to mention you'all saw my Medusa costume!  I could go on and on...

To me, dressing in costume is fun!

First, as a side note, I must set the record straight! I only dress up for the Halloween season (and a 5k once!). I am NOT into the "Adult" version of "dress up".   Anyway, I like costumes because it's a way to change people's perception of reality. (That's probably why I'm so good with Make-Up!)  It's a chance to play on folly, or to strike a nerve on someone's irrational fear.

   Next I thought about the attention aspect of it.  Do I do it for attention?  I would have to say that 20% of me does it for the "Look at me!" type of attention.  If I didn't say that, i'd be lying.  Because I don't dress up in costume just to sit alone in the house, then later take it all off!  I know it's not a higher percentage based on the fact that I am truly shy.  Though most would never suspect, I get very uncomfortable being the center of any kind of attention.  Because of that, I never choose costumes that require "acting".  

I dance to the beat of my own drum and like to stand out in a non standing out kind of way! 

(cause that made absolutely NO sense! lol!)    

The remaining 80% of the attention aspect comes from "Look what I've accomplished".  I like the challenge of costumes.  I'm always trying to outdo what I've done before.  I live for the challenge of trying to take what's in my head, and to then make it a reality. (and if you've spent any time inside my head- you would realize how challenging that truly is!!)  Even though I have good intentions on starting my costumes far enough in advance, I find that I do the best work (and have the best costumes!) on the ones that I put together in a very short period of time.  I proved that theory the year I made Insane Asylum Escapees costumes.  I spent the day of, sewing & assembling straight jackets, finishing with just enough time to do make-up, to end the night by taking first place in a costume contest.  I LOVE to do my costumes on the cheap!  Making what I can, trying to think outside of the box using stuff that wouldn't necessarily be meant for that use. 

So in conclusion, am I really THAT into the Halloween holiday? 

My answer would have to be; No! Not at all! 

- It's so much more

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(OK, that was kinda winded.  I better get on with this Fish Hook "How To"!...)

Easy to apply, & Inexpensive 

FISH HOOK MAKE UP

Total application time, less than 1 hour.

Start with: 

A couple fishing lures.

  Use wire cutters to cut off all barb (hook) points, leaving as much hook on as you can without getting yourself impaled if someone bumps into you!

Small container of Liquid Latex. 

Toilet Paper

Ladies Foundation that matches your skin tone

"Witch" Creme Color Make-up

aka: Deep purple, Dark Red, Sage Green, Mustard Yellow

Coagulated Blood

Cheap Paint Brush

A Brown or Black Eyeliner Pencil

And if you are a female that wears make-up, your normal everyday make-up.

NEXT

Decide where on face you want your skin flapped.  Clean that area with facial astringent.  Take paint brush and dip into liquid latex.  Paint the part of face you want to look like skin that's been skinned back. (I used a "V" shape)  Rip off small sheets of toilet paper (single ply).  Rip those to size of painted strip.  Crumple, stick onto wet Liquid Latex.  Dip paint brush in L.L, paint over newly applied toilet paper. Put on more paper... repeat until you have your desired effect. When finished, give final coat with L.L and let dry.  

Oh yeah! And DUH, don't get it in your eyes!  If you do that, you're on your own! No clue what to tell you to get out of that jam! 

As you are building, it will look similar to this:

Mine looked like this when done. Yours will look like your own creation!

Next check the placement to make sure you are on the right path for effect.

Lightly balance fish hook off of dried L.L (I'm already sick of writing "liquid latex") If good so far, remove lure.

When you got it where you want it, apply L.L and a single sheet of paper in middle of triangle by eye. This will give the skin a more "raw" texture when the make-up is on.  After dry, blend L.L with skin tone matching Ladies foundation.  Use eyeliner pencil to color the water line on bottom lid -of the eye with the "V" (and if you're a dude, don't poke yourself in the eye!) If you are a make-up wearer, apply the rest of your make-up as normal.  I chose to add a little white in my base make-up to give me a more pale look.   

NEXT

Apply dark purple creme make-up as shown below.

TIP: Wash/dry the brush you just used for the L.L and use it to apply the color (from here on out).  SUPER TIP: Use the back of your off hand as a make-up palette.  In other words; dip brush in make-up, wipe make-up on back of hand. Use that make-up to apply to face.  It eliminates gobbing your make-up on, and is a great place to mix colors! 

To give it a more "real" effect, vary how much color you put on in certain spots.  Next, take the eye liner pencil and color a small spot onto the back of your hand (palette) and mix a little of some other color (doesn't matter) to not make it SO black. Wipe brush dry by using some toilet paper that you have kicking around - cause I'm sure if you're like me, you have one Hell of a mess going on -so there will be lots of it! Use dry brush to apply just a little of that black"ish" color softly under the fake flapped skin pieces (as shading to give depth)  

NEXT

Apply dark red creme make-up over purple and up around eye.  Here's an important tip: DON'T cover the purple completely! Leave some areas showing to give it depth.  Oh! And if you don't want your make-up to SUCK, spend the time to take your time! Blend! Blend! Blend! You can take the cheapest clown make-up and make it look great just by improving your blending skills.  NO hard edges! :)

Next I carefully balanced the Fish Hook on to see if I liked where this was going.

I also highlighted the flapped skin with a bit of that mustard yellow.  Even though the color didn't match my skin per say, it helped make the pieces "pop" Plus it gave that skin a not "alive" but yet not "dead" look too.  I also added some yellow to the corner (by nose) to my bad eye to make it look more 3 dimensional. 

LASTLY

If all is right with the world, and you feel it is close to being finished, carefully poke fishing lures down through the edge of your latex and nestle the hook between skin and prosthetic.  Even though they dangle, they won't fall out.  As a final touch, carefully open the coagulated blood.  Use the non brush end of your paint brush and dip the stick tip in the blood.  This stuff is beyond sticky so watch out!! Carefully dab C.Blood onto the the red areas.  Don't go above your lower eyelid.  I don't think it would hurt you- it would just feel NASTY sticky!  How much blood is a personal preference.  TIP:  Coagulated blood holds really well and doesn't run.  It just starts to look dull after 4 hours, losing it's wet look.  Save this step for the very end, or if need be, carry it along for touch up. 

As for the rest of the costume?  

The obvious idea would be to dress up as a Fisherman.  

Now take that idea one step further (and increase your chances of being best costume!) by tying the line from a fishing pole onto one of the lures, and carrying around the attached pole all night.   

THAT would be COOL! 

Or if you are the FUN type,

Stop into your local sporting goods store and visit the fishing department.  Tell them that you tried your hand at fishing, but it just wasn't working out all that well for you! 

As for me? 

I did the "I'm Hooked!" Make-up for nothing more than to take my boy outside Trick or Treating.  Unfortunately, in my part of the world it was raining pretty solid that night, so I just chucked on my Fedora and a Rain Jacket.

Either way,

I still ROCKED it! 

  

Good Make-up trumps anything.

...and in the end,

REMOVAL

Wash face with soap & H20, carefully peel off latex. 

It sticks like a mother to her offspring - so be careful and go SLOW!

Clean-up is quick, but not necessarily pain free! 

         

  

  

Heather's Story

"Courage doesn't always roar, 

sometimes it’s the quiet voice at the end of the day whispering
 ‘I will try again tomorrow"

– Mary Anne Radmacher

For those of you that know me, or have come to know me through this blog, you know that I am strong on Female Empowerment.  You can clearly see it buried within each blog entry I write; from the things I've done throughout my life, to the things I've built, and the challenges I've faced. 

 I believe in the strength a woman possesses in order to rise above all that life gives.  
We, as women are expected to carry the weight of the World, and to never put it down.

  

When it gets heavy, we lift it higher. 

Just recently I was contacted by a strong woman who is fighting her own battle that is bigger than anything that I could ever imagine.  

She asked for nothing more than for me to share her personal message with my readers.  Even though she was a complete stranger to me, I am truly inspired by her story, and the courage it took for her to reach out to me personally.

To help spread her message, please share her web link (below) on your own media site.  

Life is about giving, even if it's just awareness.  
But even awareness can help save a life.

  

Heather has Mesothelioma. 

"Mesothelio... WHAT?" 

Mesothelioma is a very rare form of cancer primarily caused by the exposure to Asbestos.  Mesothelioma attacks the lining that covers your internal organs.  If you have ever had a severe cold and have coughed so hard that your chest hurts each time you breathe- You had more than likely bruised your Plural space (that is the lining between your lungs and your rib cage)  Now imagine that pain x's infinity, and in more spots, and if it didn't go away.  
Now imagine what Heather went through.   

What exactly is Asbestos? 

(asbestos in its natural form)

Asbestos is a strong, heat resistant fiber that occurs naturally in mineral form.  It became a primary building material used in the 19th century because of its tensile strength, flame retardant ability, and of course because it was cheap.  

It was basically the wonder product of its time, and it was used in EVERYTHING! 

What's so harmful about it?

The main problem with Asbestos is that the fibers are so small. 700 times smaller than a human hair!  Once airborne, they are easily inhaled.  Those tiny fibers can even get lodged in your skin!  Once in the body, Asbestos causes all types of problems, including Heather's Mesothelioma.

The first documented death from Asbestos occurred in 1906 in the UK. 

But unfortunately, it wasn't until the 1970's and 80's that our own government started cracking down on the use of this product.

How prevalent is Asbestos today?

Outside of the fact that construction workers, and ship builders still face Asbestos from old construction, products today can still be manufactured with Asbestos as long as they contain less than 1%.  Some current uses include; brake pads, clutch systems in cars, roofing material, home insulation and even some potting soils!

Please take a moment to watch this short video.

You will soon learn what a courageous, strong woman Heather is!

Heather Von St. James "I was given just 15 months to live"    

If you would like more information on Mesothelioma please visit:

The Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance

   

The Making of Medusa

Medusa? Isn't that the snake head lady?? 

For those of you that have been out of English class for way too long, or never paid attention in the first place!  Let me give you a quickie synopsis to refresh your memory of who she was...

"Medusa" as you know, is from Greek Mythology.  

Once upon a time Medusa was so strikingly beautiful that men found her irresistible.  She did the "nasty" (willingly or unwillingly - depending on what version you read) with the God of the Sea, Poseiden, while in Athena's castle.  The Goddess Athena was so outraged by this act (and she herself was jealous of Medusa's beauty) that she transformed Medusa's long, beautiful, hair into serpents, and turned her face so ugly that one look would turn onlookers into stone.  

Her death came from a beheading by Perseus (who was sent on a mission by a King) who used the reflection from a shield that was given to him by the Goddess Athena (go figure) to look at Medusa without turning into stone himself.  

When Perseus beheaded her, a winged horse (Pegasus), and a golden, sword wheeling giant, sprang from her body.   Her head was then placed in a sack and was used by Perseus to turn his would be attackers into stone.

   I would like to tell you that I have some passionate attraction to this mythological character, or that her life is some type of symbolism or metaphor for my own, but in all honesty it's neither, I just thought it would be "Cool". 

Medusa really wasn't my first choice for Halloween this year, this was:

Yup, that's Regan from the iconic 1973 horror movie "The Exhorcist".
I didn't see this movie until almost 15 years after its release (I was just a baby)- but when I did, I was scared to death!  She was creepy stuff!

I was dead set on being Regan this year.  I chose her because I wanted to do a frightening costume, and it's been a few years since I've been a scary figure.  To help refresh my memory of her, I watched videos on her make-up and her character and had all of my supplies in waiting.  But at the last minute, I decided not to go with that.  

What changed my mind? (Besides the fact that I'm an indecisive female???) 

4 days before Adult Halloween I started thinking... I was worried that because she is SO iconic that if I missed just one mark on my make-up that it would be no different than listening to an American Idol contestant sing a Whitney Houston song out of tune.  I would fail.

Not to mention, outside of her gory make-up, and the legend that she is -She is a little PLAIN.
I wanted something MORE. (Would you expect anything less from me? lol!)

I just happen to be surfing the WWW for different ideas when I came upon this gal's beautiful rendition of Medusa.  Her costume was to die for!

(What the?? "Scared to DEATH", "DEAD set", to "DIE for"... Lol!)

I had loved her costume so much that I had decided that I wanted to give it a whirl!  

I just wanted something creepier, darker, and more Demon like.

I started the undertaking with this:

     

A simple food colander.

This was going to be the base of my headpiece.

Which turned into this:

A little flat black paint is all it needed!
It didn't matter if it wasn't the world's best paint job, nobody was going to see it anyway. I just needed it not to be green, and to not say "Tupperware"! LOL!

Next up- The Serpents were born!
I made primitive looking snakes by untwisting wire hangers and cutting them in half.  Then, I used plastic shopping bags, wrapping the bags around a wire - to give the snake girth.  Each snake wire required 3 shopping bags wrapped like a candy cane, keeping one end free of plastic in order to have a bit of wire to be able to attach it to the colander with.  Next, I took blue painter's tape and wrapped the bag covered hangers.  (Not to make it look snake sexy, just to keep the damn bags on!) After that, I took regular masking tape and wrapped neatly (er.. or "neater") to try and make them look smooth.  I then bent the wires to resemble snakes and added more tape where needed.  Finally, I took cheap black and grey spray paint and painted the snakes, finishing by adding red glitter glue for eyes.  I went for a more blotchy, imperfect look with my paint to give it a more grisly appearance.
Sometimes "Imperfect" is perfect!

When dry, I started to wire them onto the colander.

I really liked the stiffness of the wire hangers.  I could get them to stand up without worry of falling over.  I continued to make more wire snakes, and continued adding them to the colander.

I would constantly put the colander on my head checking for balance, and visual appeal.  I moved the snakes around as needed.  I didn't want it to fall off my head because it was too weighty on one side!
(At this point it still unfortunately looks like a colander!)


Creating my Boa Constrictor:
Because all of my snakes were relatively the same diameter, I wanted to give it something larger to add dimension.  Lucky for me, my local Goodwill store was having a clearance on Ladies Knee High Panty Hose! $.10 a pair! SCORE! (FYI- I felt stupid going through checkout with my $.25 worth of panty hose!)  Once upon a life I was way more crafty than I am now and I just happened to have a large box of bulk quilt batting laying around.  I began by stuffing the hosiery until it was approx. 4" in diameter, and 20" long. I then tied a knot in the open end. Because my hosiery was more brown than black I started out by spray painting it black first.  Which because of the nature of the beast ended up being a dark shade of grey.  To give it the final snake look I used a gauntlet glove (which was part of a past costume), stretched it over the snake, and spray painted the glove grey.  After a few minutes, I peeled off the glove, leaving this beautiful snake pattern underneath.

I thought this turned out perfect! I was so pleased with the results.
  After everything was dry, I wired it (using fine gauged jewelry making wire) onto the colander (hiding both ends of the hose under the brim of the headpiece - making it look like just a coil of a serpent's body)

The Little Snakes:

These lil poppers are just cheap, dollar store plastic kid's toys.  They come in an array of bright colors!  I painted them using a combination of black and grey spray paint.  Some are painted all black, some all grey, some a combination of both.  After they were dry, I took 3 snakes to a group and wired them (jewelers wire) together.  For the final cosmetic touch, I sprayed some hair spray glitter that I had lying around onto the bunch.
I was happy with this look!  I then used the groups of snakes to fill in (wire on) the void spaces on the colander.

Almost done!
Continually checking for balance and symmetry.
(This thing was WIDE! I couldn't walk straight through a doorway anymore, I had to turn to the side!)

(Picture of the back of it.)

I didn't add any large wired snakes poking out the back because I needed to be narrow enough to walk sideways through a doorway.  If I put them out the back, I wouldn't be able to clear the doorway!

As a final touch on the piece, I wired in some "real" looking rubber snakes (black cobras, garter snake, and a misc. one that I have no clue what type!) that I had borrowed from a friend.
They really added a pop of realism!


NEXT PROJECT:
The Make-Up...

Let's see... Where to start???
I knew that this would be a huge undertaking for me because I've never used wax before.  So I allotted 3.5 hours to get ready.

First up, my hair:

OK, before I get started, LET'S BACK THIS TRUCK UP!
You are probably wondering what the Hell on earth I am wearing!
Because I didn't have anything to put on that I was willing to get dirty with make-up, I decided to use the retro, thrift store find "house coat" that was to be part of my Regan costume.
(It's embarrassing enough to post close-up non make-up pictures of myself, AND wear something completely hideous on top of it! *crawls under rock* lol!)

Back to my hair...
I experimented with hiding my hair under the headpiece vs. leaving it down.  Up made it really look like a bowl on my head with my hair hidden, so I had decided to leave it down and curl it in rings to give it an appearance of being snakes (yes, it was quite the stretch!)

Next came the eyebrows:

 
I did what's called "Blocking them out".
(the eyebrow on the right side of the screen is done)
The reason you do this is to not make them so prominent when the make-up is on, and to ensure you have eyebrows left after you rip off (liquid) latex.

How it works:  Carefully apply Spirit glue, when tacky use a Popsicle stick or spatula to press the hair in a downward motion to make the bump of the eyebrow disappear.  Then you apply wax over top- and repeat all the steps again.

Prosthetic WAX:
 And this is where it got tricky!
As you saw in a previous picture, wax comes in a tub.  It's very solid until heated.  I used a Popsicle stick to scrape out a chunk, I then rolled out the desired shape with my lightly covered baby oil hands (You'll need it, it's very sticky!) The heat of my hands made the wax malleable enough to shape.  Once I made two identical shapes (one for each side of my face).  I prepped my face for application.

First, I used an astringent facial cleaner to ensure my face was free of natural oils.  Next, I held the shape up to my face and traced around it so that I knew where to put the glue.  I used pen for this because I knew I wouldn't see it under my dark make-up anyway.  Then I applied Spirit glue to the inside of the tracing.  I tapped the glue with my finger to activate it and make it tacky.  Once tacky, I used a cotton ball to cover the glue in a fine "fluff".  The reason for this is that it gives the wax something to "grab" onto when glued.

After it's stuck in place, the blending begins...

   This step to put it frankly, SUCKED.

(This is the part that Life laughs in your face!)
Unless you are in your teens, your skin is not what it used to be.  Every time I would smooth out the wax edges, my floppy skin would create a wrinkle.  I wanted it blended perfectly (cause I'm retentive like that) but I had to make a choice; Not so smoothly blended? Or wrinkles?

 

Making TWO of something out of wax AND having them be identical in size and placement was almost impossible!  I called this "Close enough"!
After I had the wax in place and smoothed out, I covered them in liquid latex.  I did this to give a smoother transition to where it connects to my face, help hold it in place, and make it a little more durable in case I got bumped.

Before applying make-up, I changed into my costume (A dress that could only be put on by going over my head.) and put in my plano contacts.  Typically contacts are done last, but because I don't wear contacts I tend to tear quite a bit with the initial insertion and I didn't want to ruin my make-up.

(I don't have any pictures of me actually applying the make-up because my hands were covered in black, and I was getting pressed for time!)

My face was done using a tube of greasy black lipstick.  I wasn't liking the shine the lipstick gave it so I went over it with liquid matte black clown make-up.  Once that liquid dried it started to give it a mottled almost cracked look (which I thought added to the look!)  I used my black liquid gel eyeliner to color in the water line on my lower lids, and to paint the tiny crevices around my wax.  I made my eyes stand out by adding a dark red creme color on the bottom lid and top lid.  I then used a yellow creme in the corners of my eyes where they meet my nose.
I thought this looked AWESOME! It really gave my eyes a piercing effect!

To make the snake pattern on my face, I took that same gauntlet glove I had used for painting scales on the headpiece hosiery, held it up to my face in random places (remember: Imperfect is perfect!) and sprayed grey hairspray through it.  My neck I sprayed with black hairspray, then applied the same snake pattern as my face.

 Lastly, My Teeth 
These are my real teeth.  They are covered in Kryolan tooth paint that I had ordered off the net a few days prior.  It is sold in 4 colors: Nicotine (brown), black, red, white.  I used red and black for this costume.

Steps: Brush teeth, dry teeth, insert cotton under upper lip to keep lip off teeth, paint teeth, when dry, remove cotton.

I was loving the teeth!! I think it looked great! And stayed on perfectly!
It felt weird... felt like you had really dirty teeth!

FINAL LOOK:

Unfortunately, I don't have any before going out pictures (only the one you saw earlier without the snakes on my head).  This picture was taken at 2 am after I've spent 6 hours in my costume.  Overall, I felt everything held good.  My teeth were still colored and it hadn't flaked off at all!  If I could be retentive about anything, it would be the wax.  You can see where it started to lift right at the corners of my eyes.  It's because of me smiling all the time.  (In hindsight, I should have smiled first before putting on the wax pieces.)

 All in all, I thought it turned out well!
Between my 5'9" height, 2" heels, height of the snakes, I looked like a force to be reckoned with!

People loved my costume!
They asked to take my picture, and to have my picture taken with them. The most popular questions were how did I do my teeth, and how did I get the snakes to stand out.

The BEST question of the night came at the end...

A sincere man came up to me and apologized for asking, but he asked:

"Are you a MAN or a WOMAN?"

REALLY???

 LOL!

I was going to end this there, but I wanted to add just one more thing...

REMOVAL!

 3.5 hours to apply...
1.5 hours to remove!
(This picture cracks me up- I think I look creepier here than with the full make-up!)


HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Sex with the Lights on HOT

It's been a slow summer for me.  Slow summer = not very many experiences, = nothing of interest happening to write home about.  (You know I'm phishing for things to write about if I've resorted to writing stories about cleaning fish! With Illustration! lol!)

With that thought, I'm going to try something new.  

(YEAH for new Experiences!) 

I have a Facebook contest.  

The contest is:

 Name a topic people like to read about, the topic with the most votes will get me to write a blog story about "said" topic.

I've had some REALLY funny requests, but the topic that came up most often is...

SEX.

Oh Boy!!

(I'm SOOOoo Screwed!) 

Here's the thing, *I* am a Biographical, nonfiction writer.  Sure, I can take the most mundane subject and creatively write it to have depth and snark, but I'm not a fantasy writer.  I cannot sit down and write a fiction novel that has an actual story, with make believe, and people having conversations!

"Make Believe" is not my gig.

I am the type that can write 500 creative words for the word "Penis", and then write a factual description of its function, - but I'm not the type that can sit down and write a creative story about how that Penis went to the grocery store to buy some mushroom soup, and Kleenex for its nose, while having a conversation with a pickle about who has the better form.   

(See the difference?) 

SEX is a broad topic!

Choosing what exactly to write about is tough in itself! (And they don't want it PG!! WOW!)

Do I write about Love? Do I write about Lust? Fantasy? Experiences? Wants? 

Do I write hardcore down and dirty Porn that will make even my own Mother blush!?

And exactly just how detailed do I make this "story"? 

But as an added bit'o FUN, 

I'm going to somehow incorporate each "idea" from the contest that was mentioned.  

Now THAT will make it interesting!  I've had some crazy responses!  Those I will highlight throughout the story so people know where to find them.  

Sooooo,

With that, I will put on my creative thinking cap.  Try something new; FICTION!! (or is it???), crack open some wine, and have a fun time with this.  

Hang on tight, it's going to be a steamy ride... 

     

   

Learned Something New Today!

Earlier today my boy and I went shore fishing at a local boat landing.  

In the short amount of time we were there, nothing was biting for us.  Given the time of day, I wasn't surprised at all!  The best fishing occurs during their feeding times; early morning, and early evening, and we were fishing at high noon.  Right when the fish are hiding out in deeper water, staying clear of the warm water of the shallows.

A few fishing boats were already ending their day on the water, and as luck would have it, a couple of fisherman had asked us if we would be interested in the perch they had caught.  Those guys were used to catching perch by the bucket full, and they didn't want to deal with cleaning just a measly few of them.

I thanked them kindly, packed up our stuff and called it an afternoon, for we now had enough fish for a nice fish dinner.

After I got home I had to clean them (of course!).  

And since I haven't cleaned perch in many years I resorted back to my trusty friend, "YouTube", when I just happened to stumble upon a really great tutorial! 

Watch this AWESOME Perch Cleaning Video!   

(still wishing I got some kind of kick back for promoting videos I like!)

Unreal how QUICK and EASY that fish clean was!!

and so... For the very first time, I decided to give this method a try!

This is what I started with...

This one was HUGE! I wish *we* would have caught it! I bet it was fun!

This was my work space after I got done cleaning the fish (prior to clean-up) using the method from the video.  I couldn't get over how little mess there was! 

The fillets turned out beautiful! (this was that "big one" my boy is holding)

This was my only "mess".  The empty fish carcasses in a 5 gal pail. 

Sure, I couldn't do it in 10 seconds like the video promotes... But with SHARP knives (did you see how many knives I had to use!!) and PRACTICE I bet I could come close! (yeah right!) LOL! 

I'm just thrilled to have learned such a valuable new skill! 

          

"Safety Nazi" is planning her first Vacation!

I never quite realized how anal retentive I am until now that I have decided to go on a REAL vacation this summer.

Sure, I've been to a few places before... Vancouver Canada, New Orleans, Chicago.. but those have either been for family, business, or a quick overnight trip.  Due to my lifestyle, and finances I've never had the opportunity to say "WTheck! I'm going to travel!" -until now!

GOAL:

Choose a destination.

Sounds simple enough right??

Yeah right...

First off, I have to say that it was really cool that I had all kinds of offers from friends and family, offering to stay with them.  But I did have a couple of criteria; I didn't want to burden anyone, I wanted to be a geeky tourist and see the sights, and I wanted to stay within the US.  On that note, the sky was the limit!

Unfortunate for me, due to my "Freakish Nature" (I really can't come up with a better term!)  it was extremely hard for me to choose a destination.  Each time I *thought* that I had a destination something about it eliminated it off the list.

The strangest thing was happening, I suddenly found myself becoming Ben Stiller in the movie
"Along Came Polly".  

I started to risk analysis EVERYTHING!   

As an example;

Wyoming was a top contender.  Seeing the Yellowstone National Park would be awe inspiring!  The Geysers, the Hot Springs, the Mud pits..Camping in the park... Who wouldn't enjoy that??
What killed the Wyoming trip for me besides expense (It's grossly expensive to fly from here to near the park, and would be an extremely boring 20 hour drive.) was the WILDLIFE.  

Cougars and Bears and Wolves.. Oh My!  

Yep, predatory animals killed it for me.
Did I mention that "Not being eaten by the local wildlife" was one of my top criteria for this trip??  Hiking down a desolate trail being stalked by a mountain lion does not make my top 10 list of things to do in my lifetime!  With that irrational logic, Wyoming was out.

Another contender was Isle Royale National Park.  

Isle Royale is a remote Island located in the Great Lakes (adjacent to Superior MI) that offers camping, hiking, canoeing, and kayaking. It is non motorized (can't even bicycle!) and has limited trips to/from the island.  The island views are breathtaking!  I love to be outdoors and thought this trip would surely be the "one".  

But.... This trip got squashed too.  

Why you ask?? (Sigh...here we go again!) The Wildlife.  (now I'm feeling embarrassed! lol!) BUT!!! I do have some data to back up my feeling on this; According to 2012 studies, the Island contains 9 wolves (2 packs and 1 loner) and almost 800 moose.  Did you know that according to statistics, over 10,000 people get injured by moose each year??  I would say that my odds of being one of those statistics greatly goes up being in such a moose concentrated area.
Oh! And becoming "dog food" doesn't sound like a fun vacation either.    

Next was a trip to DC.

Go see the Washington Monument, check out the capital, the Smithsonian, (would have loved the Smithsonian!), etc., etc.

But...
(Isn't there always!)

Even though Homicides are at an all time low in DC, there has been a huge spike in Violent crimes.  Already up 69% from last year to be exact!  Given that I'm a lover and not a fighter (I always wanted to say that!) I would be relatively helpless in that type of situation.  And personally, I value my property and my person.

It's funny that somehow out of nowhere I've become a complete "Nelly".  I think being Naive makes you more of a risk taker.  Hence: Why you do things at 19 that you wouldn't even dream of doing at 30.

I can't say that I haven't done my share of risky things.  As a matter of fact, I have an entire list of risky (stupid) things!  Perhaps now I just have more at steak in my life.  I have children and things that need me.  Or perhaps it's simply just my way of narrowing down the entire US map to figure out where to go.

And so my destination search continued...

I thought that a cruise might be the way to go.  I looked at all sorts of cruise lines, and packages.  Even though the prices were decent, having never done it before, I wasn't sure what else you had to pay for (hidden fees, flight to the ship departure) besides what I saw in front of me.  I looked at the shore stops they made, and realized you had a very limited time at those stops.  I figured 7am-1pm just wasn't enough time to get a true feel for that destination.  By the time I was having fun, I would have to re board!  And what if I dumb assed it and missed the boat?? Then what??

Speaking of boat... I think I would get bored after awhile on a cruise ship.  You can only do so much eating, shopping, and lounging in the same spot before it gets old.  It would be like going to a "reverse" Fat Camp, and that wouldn't be doing me any favors! Plus, I do get motion sickness pretty bad... I guess I could add puking my guts out to my list of cruising activities, but as a bonus it would keep the weight gain at bay!
(Cruise ships were definitely out!)  

I knew one thing for sure, I wanted to play in the Ocean!
Being a Midwesterner, I have never been in the ocean.  A few years back I came close once in Vancouver with the Pacific, I stood on a small rock and had my picture taken.  But I have never even done as much as dip a toe in one, let alone actually SWIM in one.  I'm dying to see what it's like to have salt water in my eyes, and on my skin!  I want to experience tides, and explore in the tide pools and look at all the creepy crawlies.

It's never the big things in life that I remember as much as it is the little things.
Like the first time I went to New Orleans.  I was 18 years old and I went with my (at the time) boyfriend.  We took public transportation everywhere we went.  Sure I remember the French Quarters, and the Zoo, but what do I remember most??
While sitting at the bus stop waiting for the bus, I was in total shock and awe at the cockroaches in the gutter by my feet.  They were the biggest bugs I have ever seen!  Some of them at least 4" long!  I spent my entire wait gazing at them!  (Granted, nobody else shared my enthusiasm over the roaches.)

When I was 19 I camped in the mountains with my family in Vancouver.  Yeah I can remember some of that trip, but what do I remember most about that trip?
Slugs. GIANT slugs!  12" long slugs...and they were everywhere!  I'll be frank, they looked like mobile pieces of poop! They were huge, and everywhere!  On the grass, in the outhouses...
I had the best time watching the slugs!  I even found out the hard way that slug slime is impossible to get off of hands!

Meanwhile, back to trip choosing... (sorry, I train de railed again!)

One afternoon while sitting at my computer, I saw an ad online for Virginia Beach, Virginia.  I thought about all of the things that I was looking for: Ocean, beach, sea life, and the outdoors, and realized that it met all of the criteria!

To finalize my decision, I looked up the crime rate.  I learned that it was a *relatively* safe place to visit.  Being on the Atlantic Ocean, I knew that it would be warmer than the Pacific - another score!  I checked NOAA to find out the weather (I wouldn't want to go with a major Hurricane looming in the forecast!).

I even checked my favorite website produced by the Florida Museum of Natural History; The International Shark Attack File . I have been following that site for years and absolutely LOVE it!  It's comprised of data and statistics about shark attacks from all over the world.  It tells you the date, time, location, what the individual was doing in the water (sport, and even depth!), what they were wearing (even down to colors!), male/female, age, location of bite/bump, type of shark, and if it was a fatality.  For instance, I can tell you that the USA has had a total of 1,022 attacks reported to the Ichthyology department, 36 of them were fatalities, and the last reported fatality was in 2012.  Florida was scratched off my destination list based on facts; That state has the highest shark attack rate in all of the USA! 663 total attacks, with 11 fatalities.
If the sharks don't get you in Florida, the damn alligators will! LOL! *joke*

Anyway, I checked the file and Virginia Beach was *relatively* shark safe! Another WIN!

Shark safe yes!  Jellyfish safe? - Not so much...
This time of year is Jelly fish season in Virginia.  I've been tracking the sea nettle jellyfish migration on NOAA Chesapeake Bay Sea Nettle Forecast website.  Almost all of Chesapeake bay is covered in them.
Packed the first aid kit with Jellyfish sting "stuff".
Happy Happy Joy Joy...  

Even though I don't really have a whole lot "planned" out to do (come on, I'm not THAT anal!) while in Virginia, I'm really excited about going!  Did I mention that I thought about going paddle boarding?  But based on my coordination (or lack of! lol!), I *know* that I would fall off.  Generally not a big deal, but I would FREAK OUT (x's infinity!) falling into murky, brackish, bull shark, and jelly infested water!
(I think I'm going to stick to Kayaking!)  In the meantime, I'll be much more content sitting in the shallows sifting for shark teeth, and crab fishing off a dock.

 What I'm NOT excited about is the almost 20 hour DRIVE it will take to get there!  I've never rode in a car for longer than 8 hours before (an off the cuff trip to Sandusky, Ohio to Cedar Point roller coaster park back when I was young and fun!) and those 8 hours were HELL ON EARTH.

Sooo.. If I don't die in a fiery crash, peril off the edge of a mountain road, get eaten by sharks, get swept out to sea by an undertow... I should have an AMAZING time!

Did I mention that on my way home, I'm stopping in Kentucky to stay with friends for a couple of days??
Very excited!!
Did I mention that they said they have quite a few Brown Recluse Spiders in their house?
Did I mention that they have a really bad wasp/hornet problem?
Did I mention that they said they have Black Widow Spiders?
Did I mention that they have rattlesnakes by their house?

Did I mention that their nearest Hospital is **40** minutes away??

BRING ON THE ADVENTURE...