"Waiter! There's a fly in my Soup!"

I admit, *I* am a lowly server working in the food service industry.  For the most part I actually DO Love it! It's a great job for me! It's fast paced, active, mentally demanding, and mildly physical. The better the job you do, the more money you make. The bigger the smile you have, the more money you make.  The faster you are, the more money you make.  Everything about your income depends solely on YOU.  If you are having a bad day, your pay will reflect. 

Of course their are certain demographics that can pretty much guarantee a bigger payout. For instance, being female, a table of 6 men will give me a better payout then a table of 2 senior citizen women. A family with small kids will give me a better payout then 2 senior citizen men. Middle aged men?? SCORE!  Teenagers?? BUMMER. Creepy men that stare at you or your rear end?? SCORE!!

Like just recently, I had waited on a couple of middle aged, upper middle class men. A fellow waitress noticed that the one guy rubber necked right out of the booth to look at my "money maker" when I walked away from their table.  She thought that was the funniest thing ever because he is a regular (and generally not a creeper).  I am very body shy and turned completely red over this news (not to mention my "rump shaker" wouldn't be something I would give my OWN self a double take on! SOOOo not my best feature!)  After I crawled out from underneath my veil of embarrassment, we did have fun "setting him up"
(Oh look! I dropped my pen!)  just to see his reaction.

OOOohh The waitress games we play!

If you all only knew... *evil grin*

I don't mean to come off as shallow on the whole demographics thing, but let's face it. It's just business.  When you whore your smile for a living, you need to know what it's worth.

Any who, I do have a point in all of this,

Here we go...

One day, while working the day shift I was waiting on two late middle aged woman. They were friendly enough. No issues. They had both ordered a bowl of our famous chicken dumpling soup before their meals. Like any other ordinary order I fetched their soup right away.
I returned to their table holding two piping hot bowls of soup on a small round tray with my right hand.  With my left hand, I took the first bowl of soup off the tray, leaned over and presented it in front of one of the ladies.  As I leaned over the table to put the soup down in front of her, unbeknownst to me I leaned into the tray with the remaining bowl of soup...

(Um?? Er.?? How do I say this..??)

Ok, I will just SAY it!
I am NOT flat chested!
Call it a "gift", call it a "curse", kinda depends on how you look at "them"!
Personally, I'm not a fan. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have a "Lop-a-boob-off-a-me" performed!

Meanwhile.. back to the soup...

As I leaned over the tray, my BOOB dunked in her soup!!!  I immediately stood straight up and started to laugh.  The lady whose soup it was meant to be saw it happen and laughed too!  

(oooh but it gets worse!)

I SERVED IT TO HER!!!!

I don't quite know what happened, if she said she didn't care or we were just too busy laughing about it.. but somehow it slipped my mind to actually replace the soup! Besides, it "dunked", I didn't exactly send it on a 500 meter lap swim in it. And I didn't swish it around the rim a few times either!

(oooh it gets even worse!!)

After I left their table with them both quietly enjoying their soup, I dried my shirt and moved onto other things. The next thing I knew that lady who is enjoying my "boob soup" calls me over to her table.  She is laughing so hard she almost has tears rolling down her cheeks.  She proceeds to tell me that in my absence she leaned over the table to reach for an item and long behold...

SHE STUCK HER OWN BOOB IN THAT SOUP!

There we were... laughing hysterically as I offered her more napkins to dry her shirt.

(Got a GREAT tip off that table!)